so i'm as scared as hell, ok?

i've been to heaven, i've been to hell. i've been to vegas and god knows where, but nothing feels like home, like you babe. 

i love you more than you will ever know.

I have had a wonderful weekend.

Sorry if yours has been terrible, but i had to tell somebody <3

Anyway, i got thinking the other day, because there is a new kid in my grade and im proud to say i have made a new friend :)

So we were talking and i was thinking, i wonder what school looks like to him. Do you know what i mean? Everytime you go somewhere new or experience something for the first time its so different, and then after a while you get used to it and its fine but at first its totally new to you, i just wish i could experience that again with school or something, but its bound to happen in the near future i bet...

ALSO, it is my best friends 18th..in a year.. so i want to get her the best present and yeah, so im kind of starting it now. SO i am looking through heaps of old photos since we were babies til now, and wow the memories, i love that girl so much.

Education has pretty much come to an end for this year, which i am FAIRLY happy about, its still fun at school, but boring and it feels like a waste of time, thank goodness for friends and the joy they bring to my life.

Another major joy in my life, is still Angus. Just had to mention him because he made this weekend amazing, he's spectacular, i couldnt ask for any better, i mean how could i when he's simply the best ;) chessey? i dont think its cheesey enough..

Just found this photo taken the first time i went to Winmalee, yes i just gave away amy's hideout, who cares..

 The canvas has a picture of edie sedgwick on it and its sitting on my floor, but you know what STUPID CAMERA SAYS NO EDIE FOR YOU THREE!

oh well. that was a fun day :P

I wish i spent more time updating my blog like i said i would, rather than going oh shit, that'll have to do. One day i'll be committed. For now im committed with something else <3

i guess thats a toodles from me <3

through the looking glass..

WELL WELL WELL, HASN'T THIS BEEN A WONDERFUL YEAR...

Now i know what you're thinking "what a douchebag, this year isnt over yet!" yes, you're right it really isnt, but it has been eventful so i couldnt help myself I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT NOW.

This year has been on a high pretty much all the time. First off, STATE DRAMA BITCHES, this has been an amazing experience and ahh just wonderful, i've met so many beautiful people who i miss so much already, but we're going to stay in touch, because, duh we have a plan, we're going to make each other famous. say just one of us becomes an actor, well they can help out a hairdresser, or a business, or clothing designer, get my drift? hahaha ;)

Also there was my birthday (YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY) I had a wonderful gathering with everybody too, i have beautiful friends and wonderful people in my life. 

I had my formal which ya'll know about, but yeah its just been wonderful.

There has been a shit load of other stuff, in between here and there, oh and of course, i didnt forget i was just putting it off, theres the wonderful, the lovely, the amazingly fantastic ANGUS JONES

/scream of excitement.

he's right wonderful he is.

anyway this year has been fantastic, and these holidays are going to be "holidays to remember" i predict. 

CIAO BELLA.

feelin' so fly like a G6

One of my friends played this song for me a while ago, ever since i hear it everyday XD

I had my formal on the 11th of November, which was also the day after three months with Angus, and one of my best friends Summer's sixteenth birthday.

Summer and myself have been organising this with the "formal committee"  if you could call it that. And at the begining of the night everything seemed to be going well until people werent on the guest list and summer was freaking out, i was freaking out (mini panic attack, couldnt breathe, uncontrollable tears, which Angus didnt see hahah) anyway it all got sorted out which was a relief and the night went on.

There was lots of photos and memories. 

There is one person who i want to mention, we havent always been close, but over the past few months we've become closer, and we know alot about each other. He never fails to make me laugh, and he's a very great guy and i'd have to say one of my close friends at the moment.

Ethan, i know you probably wont read this, but when i was freaking out, you were there along with all of my other close friends, you slow danced with me when there was loud music playing and at the end of the night i told you that i will miss you, that's an understatement. You're amazing kid, have fun at "College" and i will not forget you, and we WILL spend time together other than graduation hahah :)

 Tamara, Amy and I went in a really nice black car, cant remember what it was, Holden FJ i think, it was really nice :)

 As i mentioned above it was my friend Summer's 16th Birthday. Some of the boys gave her a gift. She went bright red, but she loved it ;)

I could go on for hours about how much fun it was and what went on, but it was fantastic and i'm so glad it went according to plan. <3

 Over and Out about that...

i got to sleep, and imagine that you're there with me.

Well what is there to know? 

 I've been quite sleepy lately, but thats different, so i sat my first two exams for school cert. and im not sitting anymore, formal on thursday evening, and there is supposed to be a gig for me on saturday then sunday, and also next week, but im not doing this weekend, so unless i get better, i wont be performing next week either.

Who cares? I dont.

I was just reading somethings i found in my room, school bag, computer, etttccc from ages ago, i was such an annoying, immature, depressed girl with problem, self esteem issues, and a really bad outlook on life. Why is it that we experience times like these in our life, where we say stupid things, even if it makes us feel terrible, and makes us ache, we still do it? Just me?

Its things like this:

Why would we say things like this to ourself? Deep down, we know it isn't true, and even if we do truely feel like this, there is help to find these things, because we all have a reason in life, and a purpose, it isn't right that some people take their own life, and feel pathetic or worthless. If you happen to feel this way, please please don't, because somebody loves you, and there is always somebody who is willing to change you're mind with some of these decisions, even if they dont know it, or you dont, i'll stop blabbering, but life means alot to me, it may not have a few years ago, but now, i wouldnt change it for anything. :)

Theres always hope, for all of us.

I keep thinking about what tattoo/s i want, just sayin'

When somebody mentions the word "diagnosed" don't we automatically think the very worst?

Well that's how i feel, anyway, i just think for particular things it shouldn't be you have been diagnosed, it sounds terrible.

WHATEVZZ.

 

My Best friend said this to me because she said this morning if i feel bad for not doing my exams that i should set up a table in the loungeroom and pretend to do my exams...

"then annie could sit next to you, preteding to do an exam, an you could pretend to talk to her, you no.. slip her some answers... then your mum walks in yelling pretending to be the examiner and like belts you to death with a chair... and yea,,. a world of make pretend"

*Annie is my cat.

I was wrong, I will cry
I will love you till the day I die
You were all, you alone and no one else
You were meant for me

you were made perfectly, for me, you'll see.

Packed To The Rafters.

Approx. Just before 9:30pm

Tuesday 2nd November 2010

 I know, this probably seems utterly ridiculous, but i am indeed about to write a blog about this episode. I didnt get to watch much of it, i actually only got to watch the last 5 minutes, because i had singing (Jazz Night; Angus watched me sing for the first time D: ) and well, if you didnt already know Mel died. She was in a car accident. The thing that made me cry was the fact that Ben and Mel were planning on having a baby, and well now, that cant happen anymore. Also, the fact that he booked at hotel room, decked it out with petals and stuff, then his brother Nathan had to come and let him know what happened. It was so sad, but beautiful. The last scene was just music playing over the top of the hospital all the family, and then ended in the baby girl and the grandfather blowing bubbles and as it ended one popped and it faded out. It was so bashgsdjdbbj just amazing to watch, but so emotional.

Now the thing is, i guess the reason i am writing this, is because the first thing i thought was what the situation would be like if Angus died, which made me even more emotional, bloody hell, thanks media for fueling my emotionals, also to mention that Katy Perry's video clip for Firework made me cry :/ anyway, back to the story, i completely broke, i cant begin to think how i would actually feel in that situation, i know my heart would break but how would it actually feel? to know that the one person you not only love but are IN love with, is dead. And that you'll never be able to muck around with them, kiss them, tell them you love them, lay down next to them whispering funny things in their ears, play tricks on them, laugh with them, and see their face again. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes, and gives me goose bumps. 

:(

More to the point..

How would Angus feel if i died. I can't actually picture him dying before me, is that weird? Not really that i cant picture it, i think more that i dont want to ever have to live without him, but at the same time, i couldnt leave him, (shut up sappy Casey)

Before i go any further, i must part, i love you dearly, and dont want you to die before me D:

 

unless... 

JOKES